Sophie Maclang, a Third Culture Kid (TCK), international school educator, and parent is interviewed by Natasha Winnard, an international youth empowerment consultant and parent of a globally mobile teenager.
Describe your TCK context.
My parents were from very working class families in the United Kingdom (UK). Both of my parents were the first in their families to go to university. Both of their fathers were builders, so they both had humble beginnings. My parents were both international educators and when we left for our first posting in Japan, I was 7-years-old. It was a big deal for their families. My father’s mother had never been on a plane, so moving to Japan was just massive.
We lived in Japan for six years, then we moved to Malaysia for a year, North Kazakhstan for a year, then South Kazakhstan for a year. We then moved to Moscow, Russia for my final year. I went to a different school every year of high school. It was such an experience to move between the different types of schools. My school in Malaysia was a big international school. We played tennis, went to golf lessons. My school in Kazakhstan was in the middle of nowhere. There were about 20 foreigners in the whole place and most people spoke Russian. There was a big difference in the culture of each school. My final school in Moscow was very relaxed and I’d come from a school in Kazakhstan with lots of high achieving scholarship students. I remember going to class on my second day and I was the only one that had done my homework. It was really strange!
I went to the UK for university and changed courses halfway through. I first went to King's College in London to study Biomedical Science then I went to Bath University to study Psychology where I finished my degree. I found it very difficult to settle and make a core group of friends. I was always moving house, going on adventures and it was really only in my third year of university that I really found my people. I worked as a support worker for two years after finishing university. I was supposed to do a master’s degree in speech and language therapy, but as I got offered a deferred place, my parents suggested I go to the Philippines for a year, do my teacher training, and see where that took me. During that year, I met my husband and really fell in love with teaching. I decided to stay.
It was amazing being back in an international context again. I felt so free and easy to be myself. Being a teacher in an international school meant I was always around children like me. I’m a parent of TCKs now. My children are Filipino and English and go to the school I go to here. They identify with their Filipino roots much more than they do with their English roots- which I’m okay with. They live the life of international school children, and I feel very equipped to raise them the way I was raised.
How has your own TCK experience influenced your teaching?
Firstly, I grew up in a really multicultural environment. Most of my best friends came from different countries, so I think I find it easy to connect with people from a range of different backgrounds. I understand how diverse the home experiences of my students are, and I really know how to tailor parent feedback to suit different cultures. With my students, I think I really understand the importance of holding the space for their previous experiences and I try to help them honor their last homes. I experienced a lot of anxiety after moving so many times and trying to fit in, so I really try to foster a culture of belonging in my classroom. I try to reinforce that we all have strengths and weaknesses, and we need to be kind and support people even when they are different.
I’m lucky that my school offers an “autobiographical project” which runs throughout primary school for the first term. We have parents come in and talk about culture, share food, children share their backgrounds with each other, and we are really able to teach them to value their differences and show up as who they are. I think the biggest thing to come out of the experience is to try and teach children that you love them for who they are. I always try to talk about their character strengths to them, to help them see what they are good at, who they are, and that I think they are amazing just the way they are.
How has your TCK experience influenced your parenting?
When I became a parent, I really began the journey of healing from my experiences. I wanted to be a great mum, to be able to show up and help my children through life's challenges, so I decided to go to therapy and talk through my experiences. Spending every year of high school in a different school had a bigger effect on me than I realize. This was before schools had great programs for TCKs and nobody really realized the impact that it had on me. I spent my young adult years wondering why, if I’d been so privileged, I was struggling to find myself. All of the work that I have put into therapy and self reflection has made me much more understanding and patient as a parent. I have really learned how to help my children deal with their emotions and how to make them feel heard and loved.
My husband grew up in one village, where most people thought the same way. Everything was very stable and steady, which is obviously a huge contrast to the way I was raised. We work well together. He tries to help us be stable, but I think the value I bring is that I know how to look at situations from many perspectives. I keep an open mind. I make sure to research and find out what the best practices are, and I don’t rely on traditions to help me know how to raise my children. I’m keen to do my research. I think when you parent across cultures, you look at big decisions through many different lenses. Although this can lead to arguments, it also means that you don’t make decisions without thinking them through, weighing up the evidence, and deciding on the best course of action.
You shared with me that you struggled as a TCK with “home” repatriation and finding your place at university in the UK. Can you provide us with more information about the challenges you faced?
I attended a small school in Kazakhstan where I was pushed up a grade despite being almost two years younger than my peers. This set the stage for my university journey, where I started studying Biomedical Science at King’s College because it’s what my mother wanted, despite my true strengths being in drama, music, and the arts. I wasn’t sure about the medical path, but it seemed like the right fit at the time. It didn’t take long to realize it wasn’t for me, and I quietly quit the course and reapplied for Psychology at Bath University, a decision I made completely on my own without advice.
When I left home, my parents had moved to the Philippines, and I felt free, albeit with just £300 to my name. After a short stint at McDonald’s in Cardiff, I moved to Bath, but found it hard to fit in with students who were experiencing university life for the first time. I was more open-minded and chaotic than most, which led me to eventually move to Bristol with a boyfriend, where I found a more vibrant, artsy community. Despite commuting to Bath, I eventually built a strong circle of friends and had a fulfilling university experience, though I had to carve that path by myself.
On reflection, is there anything that you, your school and or family could have done differently to help you with this transition?
Where do I start? I think the thing I keep coming back to is… Why did nobody see that a year in a different school every year was difficult for me? I feel like I was met with so much toxic positivity; it took me a long time to unwind all the feelings I had. As a teacher now, I just think how easy it would have been for someone to say, “this isn’t easy for you, is it?”
My family dreamed big for me. They worked so hard to get me to great schools, surround me with affluent children and give me a great future. I can’t blame them for wanting me to be a doctor. It makes a lot of sense to me. However, I really wished they had just let me do what I was good at. I think they should really have looked at my strengths more and thought about what I would love doing. I would have liked to have had more conversations and looked at more options.
I would have liked more experience of different types of work and different options. I felt like my school focused so much on academics but could have taken more time to see the whole me. I would have liked them to have transition programs, to be educated about children like me. I wish someone had told me that I would be happier than ever if I had just been myself and not just tried to fit in.
My past was rocky, definitely not perfect. But I do believe that I am a very resilient person after what I have experienced. I am very happy. I have a career that I love so much, and I am in a place where I feel accepted and at home.
A very sincere thank you to Sophie for sharing her experiences with us.
We often underestimate the full extent of the challenges globally mobile children and their families face. We all have so much more to learn together, home and school, to ensure that our children, and the children in our care, are healthy, happy and can thrive.
Sophie Maclang is a passionate global citizen and third culture kid with a diverse upbringing that spans across the UK, Japan, Malaysia, Kazakhstan, and Russia. Dedicated to understanding and supporting third culture kids, I am fueled by my personal experiences. I thrive in international environments that foster open-mindedness and celebrate diverse perspectives. As an educator at British School Manila, I am committed to nurturing strong student relationships and making learning as fun as possible.
