Leavers and Stayers: Two Perspectives, One Community

Honoring and Validating Our Different Experiences and Perspectives

We have collaborated and written together many times over the years about topics that are important to us in our role as English as an Additional Language (EAL) teachers, such as belonging, risk-taking, deep listening, and supporting multilingual approaches. However, as friends, we have not yet explicitly explored our identities as international school teachers from different backgrounds and contexts. 

International schools have a fluid and transient community of students, parents, and educators. While many typically leave after a few years, some choose to stay year after year. The stories and experiences, as well as the thoughts and reflections, of those who choose to leave or stay, are very different, if not unique. Megan has worked at four schools in four different countries over the past 15 years: the United Arab Emirates, Korea, India, and Laos. Shafali has spent the past 20 plus years of her career working in Delhi, India, at the American Embassy School (AES). Our paths crossed when we were both at AES Delhi from 2017 to 2022. Megan moved on after five years, while Shafali stayed. 

In this piece, we wanted to share our perspectives as leavers and stayers in international schools. We present our thoughts on a few topics that arose when we brainstormed ways to share our perspectives with you. We speak from our own voices only and do not attempt to generalize. However, we hope that you find common threads that resonate with your own experiences, and, perhaps, shift your thinking.

Benefits of Choosing To Leave or Stay

Megan: When you move to new places, it broadens your worldview. You get to experience a variety of cultures, cuisines, languages, and locations. You start to see commonalities between people who might, initially, seem quite different. This leads to increased understanding, empathy, and tolerance. I remember when I initially moved from the United States to Abu Dhabi. The town I grew up in was almost entirely Jewish, and this was my first time interacting with members of the Muslim community. Through conversations with new friends and colleagues, I began to recognize the stereotypes I was holding, and how they simply weren’t true. My perspective changed enormously.

Shafali: Being in a place for a long period of time allows us to grow roots, and that lends itself to feeling comfortable in trying out new things. It makes us follow the journey of an organization and be a witness to its successes and challenges. This is really important, especially in challenging times. For example, when the pandemic hit and caused school closures around the world, I was able to stay calm and collected because I knew that our school would emerge from this challenge feeling stronger and more resilient.

Fostering a Community of Trust and Friendship

Megan: When you are constantly coming and going, it can be hard to make friends and build trusting relationships. Deep bonds take time to form. Whenever I move to a new place, I always hope, and wrongly assume, that I will make friends immediately. But it’s never like that. I have to go out with lots of different people and groups before I find a few that are a good fit for me. Schools offer opportunities to socialize, but most of these are big parties with lots of small talk. I prefer quieter settings like coffee shops for making connections. But having the initial courage to reach out to someone and invite them for a latte is hard. There’s always a fear of rejection. What I’ve learned is that I need to be patient and give it time. Sometimes it can take up to a few years to feel a sense of belonging in the community.

Shafali: Just like outside of work, forging new friendships of respect and trust takes time, energy, and discovering each other’s values and ethos. There are continuing friendships with colleagues. But every year, there’s a new opportunity to meet new people and strike new friendships that thrive beyond the collaborative teaching and learning space. With each of these wonderful opportunities, there is a new challenge to make ourselves vulnerable, to be accepting, and understanding of others, and none of these are easy to do, at least at first.

Common Assumptions

Megan: Some people might assume that moving from spot to spot is glamorous. But it can also be very hard. It takes a lot of effort and energy to search for a job, pack up your life, prepare all the paperwork, say goodbye to friends, adjust to teaching new courses and curriculum, and step into a new culture. Every school has its own norms and ways of being, and it can take a while to learn how to function successfully and thrive in each context. The older I get, the harder it becomes to just get up and go. I have more stuff now that I’m older, plus I have a family to think about. So while it is exciting and novel to always be on the move, it’s also quite a lot of work and emotionally draining.  

Shafali: It might be easy to assume that those who have stayed in one place for a long time may have less to offer, less to adapt to, or fewer perspectives to share. From my own experience and from conversations with others who have also stayed for extended periods, I’ve found that these assumptions are just that! Those with an innate curiosity and a commitment to growth continue to learn, unlearn, and evolve.

Each year, the arrival of new staff brings fresh perspectives and opportunities to adapt and reimagine how we do things. Interactions with new students, families, and colleagues continually broaden our outlook, reminding us that building a genuine sense of community depends on our willingness to consider multiple viewpoints.

Transitions

Megan: The smoothness of the transition to a new place really depends on the school. Some schools make it very seamless and provide a lot of support to “newbies” before moving, during orientation week, and ongoing into the school year. But other schools leave it to you to sort everything out. For me, having more support from the orientation team is always better. I especially like it when schools assign you a new teacher buddy. The buddy can be helpful in terms of answering simple questions ranging from “Where do I buy deodorant?” to “How do I get a driver’s license?” to “What’s the best place to order pancakes for delivery on a Sunday morning?”

Shafali: Transitions can feel quite different for those who stay. When colleagues move on, saying goodbye is often bittersweet. It can take weeks or even months to come to terms with their departure, especially when those colleagues have become trusted collaborators, mentors, or dear friends. Navigating these changes requires both mental and emotional energy, as we learn to honor those relationships while also looking ahead to a new chapter and a fresh start to the school year.

Challenges of Choosing To Leave or Stay

Megan: The decision to leave a place is a complicated one. There are multiple factors to consider. There is the hope that the next place will be “better” and will be “the one.” But many of us in this field are chasing the elusive dream of the unicorn school. We think that if we just get into the right city and the right school, all of our problems will be gone. When we start thinking about leaving a place, we only see the negatives and the problems. Those are (what we like to call in our Individuals and Societies classes) the push factors. But when we are thinking about going somewhere, we only see the positives, the pull factors. The mind is funny like that. The more I move between places, the more I realize that they all have their pros and cons. There is no magic place. The challenge is to accept that and to embrace life wherever you are.

Shafali: The decision to stay in one place may not seem complicated, but it still requires thoughtful reflection on its pros and cons. Over time, you come to realize that there is no perfect place. When those thoughts start to feel overwhelming, it helps to remember that the magic isn’t just in a place, the people, or the things around us; it’s in what we make of them. It lives in everyday, seemingly simple moments, in daily interactions with students and colleagues, and even in the challenges we face. It’s not always easy to see it, but with time and perspective, we learn that it’s always there, quietly shaping each day and each year.

Shared Values Across Diverse Perspectives and Experiences

No matter whether we are leavers or stayers, our voices matter, and our experiences are unique. Each group contributes its unique outlook and strengths to a school. The most inclusive schools are those that recognize the equal importance of both groups. Leavers bring ideas from other places, along with an infusion of new energy. Stayers promote consistency, build deep roots, and are holders of historical and institutional knowledge. Schools flourish when they accept that both change and continuity are valuable and essential components of a community. And we have both been fortunate to be a part of such schools.