If you haven't already, in a few short weeks (or days if you’re like me), you’re most likely going to find yourself walking into a learning space. It may be a space that you greet as an old friend, or it may be one that is unknown to you. You’ll likely be observing a lot. That chipped shelf that needs a touchup. The box of new resources to get filed away. The lists of students and preps and schedules. The smiles and “How was your break?” from colleagues. Perhaps the slight twinge in your lower back stubbornly hanging on from that 20-hour whirlwind flight “home.” You’ll be doing a lot. And you’ll be feeling a lot.
Your students are going to come to you feeling a lot as well. As educators, most of us do acknowledge the feelings of our students. We may offer a daily check-in or lead them in the process of “I feel” statements, but most of our practice stays on the surface, rather than actually inviting feelings into our spaces and getting curious about what they’re trying to tell us.
I once had a student who was deeply struggling with attending and participating in the classroom. In the meeting held to plan how to support this child, a school leader directed me to “stay in my lane” and stick to focusing solely on academics with this child; to leave any conversation about emotions to the counsellor. While I have no doubt that this person had good intentions, not attending to the child’s emotions was impossible. While we know that some stress is helpful to motivate growth, high levels actually inhibit learning (Whiting et al., 2021). Separating emotions and learning is a false dichotomy as all learning is emotional and social (Immordino-Yang, 2020).
In international schools, many of us are privileged to have trained counselors on staff - experts in mental health and emotional development who can help our students meet their needs for flourishing. But counsellors should not be the only ones in the school in charge of emotions. In fact, I would argue that by integrating and advocating for feelings in the classroom, we can prevent a lot of what goes to counselors and help support a more proactive approach to emotional development. Teachers don’t have to be experts but can be stewards of emotional development. When all members of the learning community work together to help students understand and integrate their emotions, they will have more agency and confidence in using those to help inform their actions.
A few months ago, I read a book called The Snurtch to a class of 7-8 year-olds. In this book, a child describes how her “snurtch” comes out in times where she is emotionally overwhelmed. It is constantly getting her in trouble by calling out, acting impulsively, and hurting others. The next week, a student plopped down beside me and announced, “Ohhhh my snurtch came out today, Miss Kailyn. I was SOOO angry.” Using metaphorical thinking, this young child was able to recognize and name her emotions and talk about what happened in a nonjudgmental way. She didn’t hide her anger or feel shame in it but recognized it and went on to share how she took some breaths to calm herself down.
After a mindfulness exercise, a sixth grader talked about noticing tension and pressure in her chest and confusion as to why she’s been feeling moodier lately. With her classmates nodding along in understanding, this segued into a conversation about puberty and the changes in our bodies and brains that might feel overwhelming.
It’s impossible to leave our feelings at the door. So, we have a choice. We stuff them down, or we allow them to take up space. And let me tell you - if you choose option two (and I hope you do), it’s not just your students that are invited to let those feelings in.
I invite you to pause for a moment and really check in with yourself. How am I feeling?A feelings-friendly space starts with you. And if you’re anything like me, you didn’t have many feelings-friendly educator growing up. You were told, either verbally or by example, exactly which feelings are acceptable, and which were not allowed to come to the party.
After years of practice trying to unlearn my ingrained habits, I had a magical moment a few years in where I found myself getting really annoyed with a class that was very high in energy and low in focus. I’m sure I hadn’t slept well the night before or maybe something was going on in my personal life or maybe I was just grumpy. Rather than snapping at my students, I noticed what was happening, paused, and spoke slowly, “Everyone - I’m noticing that I’m starting to feel really frustrated. I feel that my chest is really tight, and it feels hot. It is really loud in the classroom, and everyone is talking on top of one another. I need to sit here for a minute and take a few breaths before we move on.” The room quieted as the students watched me. It lasted just a few seconds and then I thanked them, and we moved along with the activity, but with a different energy in the room.
Just ploughing through your difficult feelings isn’t going to cut it and in fact, being honest (within developmentally appropriate reason, of course) is actually going to strengthen your classroom relationships and management. Even better - share your joys and your gratitudes too! Your students will love to celebrate with you.
Neuropsychiatrist Dan Siegel says you have to “name it to tame it.” Scientists have used brain mapping to show that once we name a difficult emotion, our stress response actually abates (Lieberman et al., 2007). Once we actually acknowledge what we’re feeling, then we’re able to begin to understand what message that feeling is giving to us, and eventually, with practice, to make an informed decision about how we may choose to act.
Sound interesting but no idea where to start? Here’s a few great resources that will help you explore and accept your own feelings and, eventually, to start bringing them into your learning space!
So, after all that, how are you feeling as you head back to school? Personally, I’m equal parts nervous and excited (nervcited as one of my second graders gleefully termed a few years ago). Eleven years of classroom teaching and I still get butterflies the night before the first day. As you walk into your quiet classrooms or offices in these next few weeks - unpacking boxes, catching up over cafeteria coffee, sitting down to your first professional learning community - check in with yourself. How are you feeling? Are there any patterns that you notice? Any particular people or places that elicit specific feelings in you? How does your body react and how do you usually respond? Becoming mindful of your feelings will deepen your self-awareness and allow you to build more trusting and connected relationships. So, grab your lunchbox, pack your bag, and don’t forget to leave space for FEELINGS!
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Kailyn is an elementary teacher and wellbeing coordinator at New Zealand School Jakarta.
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kaifull/
