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COLLEGE COUNSELING WITH MARTIN WALSH

The Lowdown on Personal Statement Writing

By Martin Walsh, TIE Columnist
02-Sep-15


As a high school counselor and former Assistant Dean, I am frequently asked if I know any formulas or tricks to make college application-writing faster, better, and less painful. Well, I am not certain I have a formula. But I do have an approach that seems to get results and, dare I say, make the process fun for the students.
Step One: Do not Worry About the Topic—First You Need to Know the Rules!
Too many students fret and stress over what they are going to write about, constantly looking for the “perfect theme” that will lead to an acceptance offer from their dream university. The result is a plethora of long, meandering narratives about building trips for Habitat for Humanity, or four pages on the inspiring lives of grandparents who have recently passed away.
These first efforts would be rather humorous if not for the damage done to a young student’s psyche when told that the statement he or she has worked so hard on would get him/her instantly rejected or deferred at a top university. Therefore I do not allow my students to present me with a personal statement (or short essay) until they have attended a brief class on the Do’s and Don’ts of personal statement writing.
Oh—as I mentioned, I try to keep it light. So, each summer I write four or five incredibly bad statements to use for discussion. Try it—it feels quite liberating!
Step Two: What to Avoid Writing—Or, What to Write if You Want to get Denied
I hate to start with negative rules, but I have found this is best to get out right at the start. Moreover, it is quite easy to present this information in a light, humorous fashion:
• Do not write about adversities that are not adverse. Yes, I have read more than one essay where a student detailed the struggles attached to driving a used car to school each day, or the pain associated with having parents who insist on adult-supervised parties.
• No artsy substitutions. Once, while working at Stanford I came across an applicant whose entire personal statement was a poem—five lines in length. While there was nothing wrong with the poem as a piece of art, it did fail to really tell me much about her values, insight, or ability to think deeply on a topic. Needless to say, in committee this particular piece fell flat.
• No bad-mouthing. Never let a student write mean-spirited things about other people, including teachers, administrators, or political figures. Students should never talk of “hating” anyone or anything. College admission officers are looking for students who will have a positive impact in the classroom and the dorm. Moreover, essays that embrace a negative message do nothing more than vent on a topic, rather than showing any deep and noteworthy reflection. Accordingly, I forbid the word “hate” in any personal statement.
• Avoid describing foolish risks: a student should never write about incidents that make him or her appear foolhardy. There is a difference between thinking “outside the box” and, well, just plain stupid. Training for two months to become a skydiver makes for an interesting student, capable of commitment and dedication. Deciding on a whim to jump out of a plane, with little or no instruction, represents a future problem on campus.
• Leave the sand and surf at home! Do not discuss luxury vacations, resorts, or teen tours in your essays. These are passive activities, not character-building. This does not mean that an applicant needs to disguise wealth. As mentioned in past articles, full-pay students may be more appealing to universities. But, there are more appropriate places to let the universities know there is money supporting the application. On a related note, travel essays that merely list off the places visited, with no reflection, are useless.
• Political preferences can be touchy! I never tell my students they cannot write about a political issue. But, I do try to make certain that the piece remains a balanced reflection on a particular topic, rather than a righteous diatribe. Therefore, I tell my students to take the time to analyze an issue, and to avoid labeling themselves as liberal, conservative, libertarian, etc.
Step Three: Encourage Insightful Writing and Reading!
It should surprise no one that the key to a great personal statement is thoughtful and developed insight. Sadly, most students have not a clue regarding the difference between narrative and insight. One of the most effective strategies I have developed involves having students write 100-word responses to a variety of prompts. The only rule I have is: No Narrative. No Story.
Effective prompts I have used include:
• What do you understand about yourself now that you did not understand before high school?
• What do you understand about life now that you did not understand before high school?
• What do you understand about your place in the world that you did not understand before high school?
• I have learned…
Additionally, collections of essays have really helped my students understand what is meant by reflective writing. I always make a point of sharing essays from Barbara Kingsolver’s Small Wonder. Her pieces will resonate with a teen audience, no matter the country of origin. But her essay “What Good is a Story?” also does an outstanding job of expressing what is on the mind of every admissions officer. In this essay Ms. Kingsolver writes: “... beautifully written stories give me truths that are so self-evident that when I wrote them down I was embarrassed. But, please tell me something I do not already know.”
Additionally, more than one of my students has told me they finally “got it” and understood the goal of a personal statement after reading these works of creative non-fiction:
So Long Ago, by Richard Bausch
My Children Will Explain the Big Issues, by Will Baker
A Brief Natural History of the Plastic Pink Flamingo, by Jennifer Price
Step Four: A Formula!
Even after all your help and guidance, most high school students are looking for a formula—lines, if you will, to color between. Here is a rather simple structural outline that I have found helpful to even my most reluctant writers:
First paragraph: encourage students to open the essay like a novel. Meaning, they need to bring a small moment alive. It should be intriguing, interesting and, quite frankly, it should set the tone for the entire piece.
Second paragraph: the student must now pull back and present the reader with the who, what, where, when, why, and how of the story.
Third paragraph: back to the story, and back to pulling the reader closer to insight.
Fourth paragraph: a great paragraph in which to insert credentials that might impress the reader. For example, fluency in Russian, class president, eight years playing violin; these are the types of information that provide useful background for the admissions officer.
Fifth paragraph: insight, reflection… if the students are having trouble here, direct them back to their responses to the short answers they put together in Step Three.




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COLLEGE COUNSELING WITH MARTIN WALSH